I can't sleep. I'm dreaming big.

photo by Betsy Lackey

I can’t sleep. I’m dreaming big. All these thoughts and ideas of what I could be and what I could do if I only tried.  Late night phone conversations can be a very bad thing or a very good thing. This one in particular with one of my best friends was a very good thing. So thank you friend for the phone call at 2:30 in the morning. I think I know why you called =) 


Father, you know my heart better than any and I am realizing just how frustrated you might be with your daughter, that I am selling myself short. That I am watering down you, who is in me, by settling for mediocrity and comfort. Half-heartedly pursing what you have called me to and only half way being attentive of what you have set right in front of me. One of the first verses I memorized while practicing countless hours in a basketball gym, “whatever you do, do it with all of your heart as if you are working for the Lord and not man” –Colossians 3:23 What good is settling for just getting by? What good is forming ideas or learning something new without putting it into action? What good is your spirit in me if I don’t live my life with a wild passion and a pursuit controlled by love? A half-hearted life is not what you called me to. A half-hearted follower is not what I want to be.

You are a God that breathed out the stars and created this whole universe from absolutely nothing. You transformed my incredibly lost and broken heart and gave me life and unspeakable joy. You who controls this crazy West Texas weather with ease and you who has absolute power over time itself. And I sit here and pray and ask for less than my heart desires. Less than what you desire for me. Out of fear? Out of love of comfort? Out of laziness? Out of selfishness? Forgive me for trying to fit a big God in my small hand. I pray that this burning in my heart isn’t just something that I lose sleep over for one night, but that it be a nagging thing that causes me to come to your throne every single day until it is finished. That this pursuit be something that I am diligent in speaking to you. I don’t want to say this prayer and be done with it next week. I want to pursue you with my whole heart daily. I want to pursue the opportunities and blessing that you have given me whole heartedly, daily. I want to magnify you to the absolute best of my ability daily. Whether it be in the small things or the big things, may it be with my whole heart. You are a God of detail and yet an enormous God that is above all things. You gave your self for me radically. Completely sold out on that cross. I pray that my life resembles that. Dreaming big with even bigger actions and a life completely sold out.