Take you by the hand

Wow, I have been in Herrnhut for over a week now! We finished our first full week of lecture. And this may have been one of the longest weeks of my life, but at the same time I still can’t believe that I am here at Y.W.A.M. DTS. 

Our speaker for this week is Donna Jordan. She will actually be our speaker next week as well. A 78-year old missionary from Canada. She is great. So sweet. Makes me miss my grandmas!! She has seen and experienced incredible things.  Things that God has done, that on the first day there was no way I could believe it. Donna speaks on hearing God’s voice. As I think about all that God has done in my heart this week, I feel kind of worn out. Like, I was just wheeled back to the recovery room after some intense surgery. But at the same time I can’t help, but smile because it is so good.  Because he is good and everything he is and does is good. There’s a big different between knowing God and who he is with your head and knowing who he is with your heart and spirit. Yes, I’ve learned some more about God intellectually, but when you allow Him to really grab hold of your heart you get revelation and your relationship becomes so much more real and much more intimate.  That is what I want and that is what I am praying for. Revelation. I want to walk with God more closely than I ever have before.  To redefine how I view him, so that I can worship him more fully and correctly with my life. Which is a scary prayer to pray. Because I am a sinner, so I sin. There are things that need to be surrendered and emptied out so that I can view him clearly.  A big one is pride. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is what I struggle with and something that infects every area of my life. Thank goodness we have a merciful savior. 

I remember specifically praying, “God, a lot of stuff is super new to me here. Sometimes I doubt, but if you want to use me in bigger ways and show me new things then you will have to show me yourself. You are going to have to take me by the hand and walk me through it.” And that is exactly what he has been doing. Gently, slowly walking me through it all. But you know, the anxious person that I can be sometimes decided that I want to sprint through this instead of walk. I began striving and rushing.  Pleading for a huge breakthrough and all this cool stuff to happen like some people were experiencing and it just wasn’t happening.  And in so many ways I knew I was trying to take timing into my own hands. I was trying to be God.  Hah, Pride.

I realized through this week that I don’t have to always be fighting a battle or having insane breakthroughs. While it is good to endure trials with God because it does produce faith and character. Sometimes, God just wants you to rest in his goodness. God is good and he delights when His children are full of joy in him. I’ve realized just a little bit more that I am his daughter and he wants me to really enjoy him and what he has given me. To be ok with just hanging out with him you know? I get so excited about knowing, just without a doubt, that he is going to take me to such an amazing place that I want to get there already.  But the story is in the journey. So I am working on embracing the struggles as well as embracing the goodness and stillness of being with him. 

I know you guys love pictures, but due to limited internet time I'll have to add them later =) 

love you!