Photo sessions, weddings, working, planning fundraisers, seeing through fundraisers and finding time to spend with family and friends. Craziness I say!
I've been meaning to sit down and write a really well thought out blog talking about it all and updating everyone, but that hasn't happened so you get this! =)
El Roi, meaning "The God who sees me". My God sees me. Every part of me. The good, the bad. The big the small. My God sees the very innermost part of my heart.
Psalm 32:13-15 says The Lord looks down from heaven; he sees all the children of man; from where he sits enthroned he looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth, he who fashions the hearts of them all and observes all their deeds.
I see read this in the Bible and I know it's true. I have experienced who he sees me first hand. Even just a small example is how he has been providing for me and making my Journey to Germany possible. With everything inside me I have no doubt that my God sees me, but my sinful nature a lot of times refuses to rest in that. With all the business and raising money for Y.W.A.M. MOTA I sometimes refuse to come to him and rest in him. It reached a pretty good amount of stress level yesterday thinking about everything I have to prepare for, money and "what if's".
Tonight, my family has put together a Benefit Dinner and Dance in my hometown as another fundraiser for Germany. We are selling BBQ plates and will have music after. It was a very last minute and rushed event, with very little response. I've been battling within myself knowing I need to stop worrying and really just lay it at his feet and let him do his thing like has been this whole time. There is nothing that goes against how faithful he has been to me. When I would get on my knees and pray I found myself praying for all the wrong things. "Lord, please bring people so that I can raise enough money to get to Germany". Begging him to provide for me. First of all, I don't have to beg him for anything. My God wants to give me more than I need.
In Matthew 7 their is a passage that says "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!". Right this minute my dad is unloading all his music equipment for tonights dance. This is after he stayed up all night slowly cooking briskets to make sure they were perfect for today. After long days of mechanic work, he has been giving everyone an earful all week about coming to the event for me. My dad is far from perfect, but he has been doing everything he can to make this event a success. The same goes for my mom, grandparents, god parents and many more. My family is scared out of their minds to let me go to Germany for 6 months, but despite that fear they continue to do everything in their power to give me what I need for me to be successful in this journey. These people in my life sin constantly and are, well they are evil compared to my heavenly father. All we have to do is humble ourselves and ask.
Second, I was asking with the wrong heart. When I would pray Psalm 37:4 kept coming to mind. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. I have missed the point these last few days. Instead of only praying that he provide for me, I should be on my knees praying ultimately that he change me and make me more like Him through it all. This Journey to Germany is ultimately to glorify Him. This benefit dance is to celebrate how he has been providing thus far and how he will continue to provide. My life is to glorify Him. This life is not mine, but while I am a steward of it I want my ultimate concern to be Christ and His glory.
Thank you everyone who will be a part of tonight and who has already been a part of my Journey to Germany! =) Whether it be a huge success or an epic fail. I pray that we are all changed because of it. I thank God before hand of what He will do tonight and how he will show up. I am excited to see what he does!!!
Because your steadfast love is better than life my lips will praise you. psalm 63:3
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