Sissy

Since I was 8 years old all I ever wanted to do is play ball.  My biggest dream was to become a collegiate basketball player.  Well, that dream didn't pan out so well.  Although I had the opportunity to, I chose differently.  One of the hardest things I have done in my now 22 years is deciding to walk away from basketball.  I remember bawling in my dorm as I called my Dad and told him my decision to not play basketball and only run.  It hurt him very much.  Just as I had worked since I was 8 to be the best player I could be, so had he and my mom. They sacrificed so much work, time and money to get me to tournaments and camps. 

One story that always stirs such a thankfulness inside my heart is how the summer before my 8th grade year my summer team made it to the national tournament in Arizona.  We didn't have enough money for our family to go like most tournaments.  When that happens it is usually just mom and I who go, but we couldn't make that work either.  So my parents were going to send me alone with teammates. Somehow when everything was all said and done my Mom was able to go with me to one of the biggest tournaments that I had ever played in.  I didn't know this until the day I had that phone conversation with my Dad about quitting the team, but the reason Mom and I were able to afford that trip was because my Dad sold his engine to his 72 Nova that he had built from the ground up since my older brother was a baby.  

At first thinking about it I thought, man that sucks.  All that sacrifice my parents went through, especially my Dad, was for absolutely nothing. The dream they had for me was ended by my decision. I totally let them down.  And for a really long time I honestly believed that and it ate me up inside.  I knew my parents loved going to watch me play and run.  They loved talking about me to friends and family that I won this at state and had this many points this game, but now that I wasn't a standout athlete at the collegiate level the belief and willingness to sacrifice for my dreams weren't a desire for them anymore.  That because I wasn't scoring 20 points a game or winning state medals on the track they weren't proud to call me their daughter.  Like I wasn't good enough without sports. 

I struggled with that insecurity for years, until I realized where my security should be found.  My coach in high school always used to tell me that my identity had nothing to do with sports. That it was about who I was not what I did. And I never really understood why she would always tell me that, until I found a relationship with Christ.  Through that relationship I realize that I am His and sports should be nothing more than an act of worship towards Him. Christ has become something that I love more than sports. He is definitely such an unwavering refuge to run to, unlike sports.  Being an athlete is all about performance.  Living a relationship with Christ has nothing to do with what you do, but what He has done for you.  I didn't feel worthy because I wasn't worth anything without Christ.  He came to Earth and chose to die on a cross so that we could be worth something. 

 One of the coolest people I know is my little sister. (God Sister).  She is beautiful. She is very head strong, but at the same time has a soft heart. She absolutely loves playing ball. She reminds me a lot of myself. She is a sophomore in high school. I can remember exactly what being a sophomore in high school was like. At times I wonder what my life would be like or what I would be like if I continued to play basketball in college.  Maybe I would be just the same person as I am today or maybe I would be completely different.  I'll never know. What I do know is that I am in love with Jesus for what He has done for me. And I wouldn't change one thing about how I got to where I am today because I was lead to Him. I feel like there are quite a few reasons why I am surrounded by the people that I have and why I have been blessed with the opportunities and roles that I have been blessed with. One of them that I hold so close to my heart is being a part of my little sisters life. She is an incredible blessing in my life.  She holds me accountable and motivates me to be better every day.  To be an example to her. And ultimately to please our God.